well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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