3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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