forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
