Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
time to smoke my breakfast
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
