so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
