If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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