I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
