sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
