dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
