grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
