you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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