Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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