you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
