Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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