you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
