My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
