So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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