seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
