ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
