She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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