my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
