Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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