which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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