I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
