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i need an iv and a liver transplant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
