Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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