We're like a lot better than the average bears
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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