Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
