This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
