if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
