Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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