This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
