Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
