I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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