Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
