i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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