no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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