I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
