I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
