he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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