drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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