let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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