I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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