When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
