spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
They took my balls.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
