I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
