I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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