He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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