Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
