yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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