he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
