everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
