but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
