I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
