Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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