If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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