My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
